The Key

I was reading Brambly Hedge to the boys this evening, and we came to the part where they found a mysterious key.

I paused the story to share an Unglamorous Observation,  perhaps a bit tainted by adult skepticism: "In real life, when you find a random key, you rarely find the right keyhole; in fact, the door may not even exist anymore. But in stories, whenever they mention a key, a door always appears."

Sure enough,  the very next page revealed the door. Of course, the key was a perfect fit. 

"Just like in the stories!" said a small voice beside me.

Are adults destined to be Boring, Stale, and Mad About Life?

I had one of those startle moments recently, when I realized that I was almost 20 when Caitlin Clark was born.

I don't usually talk sports, because two sentences in, it becomes obvious I have No Clue what I'm talking about. 

However,  Caitlin Clark became famous while attending the University about 15 minutes from my house, and I know people who have talked to her,  so I started paying attention.  I watched to see who she is and how she plays, and how her teammates reportedly love her- because she's that kind of a person.

I admire Caitlin's enthusiasm about life, her strength,  and her stamina. Her ability to fight well, yet speak highly of the team who defeated them is noteworthy.

I look at her amazing smile, and silently pray that her smile survives- that nothing and nobody is brutal enough to destroy that beautiful smile.

I hope that Adult Life doesn't crush her.  

.....

When I was entering adulthood,  I fought it with my whole being. 

I even wrote a paper about all the reasons I didn't want to graduate into adulthood. I don't remember what words I used, but the idea was that most adults are Boring, Stale, and/or Mad About Life.

A couple decades later, and I think, to the current pre-adults around me, I probably seem just about as Boring,  Stale, and Mad About Life as any adult ever was.

Truth is, I'm tired. Exhausted.  Stale.

I want to sleep and do Really Boring Things, because there's this whole buzz of constant excitement around me all the time. I crave quiet. I read posts from The Dull Men's Club, for fun. A Boring Day is a Good Day- that's my motto!! How utterly boring. 

I try really hard not to (because, amidst all the things I can NOT control, I have to practice what I teach my kids: "Your response is YOUR responsibility!"), but some days, I DO feel really Mad About Life.  Grief has slashed my heart to pieces, and some days, I find myself still struggling to pick up the pieces. Navigating subtle OR obvious special needs of children has kept me awake more nights than you know. I feel so much more fear than I did as a child,  even though my trust has deepened. I feel a lot of emotions about the actions of people who may or may not have a direct effect on my life.  I have to consciously "clean my glasses" so I can see life around me outside the filter of my own experiences. 

I TRY not to let all this stuff make me grumpy, but I am quite certain that, to my former self, I would hit the "Mad About Life" list. On some days, anyway.

Here's my Challenge of the Day-

To the pre-adults: Hug an adult today- they probably need it. 

To the adults: Smile occasionally,  sleep when you can, and remember to clean your glasses.

To all: Be cheerleaders, across the span of age.

.....

One more outstanding thing about Caitlin Clark: 

After being selected as #1 pick for the WNBA, she was asked about her goals. Instead of focusing on the competition and The Win, her answer focused on continuing to enjoy the game, as she moves forward. 

I want to enjoy each step of my journey,  too.

Current and Recent Mental Distractions:

I had a goal to write 100 words a day, and post them many of those days.  I got distracted by the details of life. 

I have thousands of words galloping through my brain, but whether I can bridle them into sentences and harness them to a carriage where they can transport meaningful thoughts to the reader is the question at hand.

If you're game for a wild ride, saddle up your horses and try to keep pace. I'll lead you on a wild ride through Thought City. We'll turn the Distractions into Attractions, and pause briefly to examine the bits of Real Life that temporarily made me forget about writing things I'm okay with sharing right here, right now.

Current and Recent Mental Distractions: 

1. A trip to my Mom's, as a Mom of 4

2. Tax prep

3. Easter Bible Walk

4. School teaching, and planning next year's curriculum 

5. Deviated septums 

6. Stress fractures

7. Cryptic tonsils

8. Steak sales 

9. Dutch Blitz

10. A dream about a cougar in the house and a handgun I couldn't figure out how to use

11. Statutes of limitations 

12. Mothers with heartbreak caused by their child's sin, departure, or death

13. Children with heartbreak caused by their parents’ sin, broken relationships,  or death

14. Wordle

15. Has anyone ever done a rhinoscope on a rhinoceros?

16. Snow in April, and concerned robins

17. Meat sales

18. Water in basement 

19. Enmeshed family systems 

20. Estranged family systems

21. Strange family systems 

22. Wiggly children 

23. Pantry purge

24. Bible Study

25. Jesus’ power over sin

26. Daffodils 

27. Even darkness is light to God

28. Books to write

29. How imperfect parents can raise emotionally healthy,  functional children who love Jesus and love people 

30. How many things to list before I call the list Long Enough

31. This font is called "Architect's Daughter." I think that's perfect, considering I am the daughter of the most creative, wise "Architect" in the history of the universe- its Creator!

Pictured: a couple snapshots from our church's Easter Walk on Good Friday

Lessons in Responsibility for a grown-up kid

I am poor at managing.

I do it- at least, I try- but I'm not very good at it.

And I'm still learning to enjoy things that I'm not good at doing.

Which means I strongly dislike Managing.

The Things To Manage that I hold in my hand feel immense.

Whether God-ordained or self-inflicted,

Through choice or through circumstance,

Everywhere I turn, I face Things To Manage-

    Time to manage

    People to manage

    Money to manage

    And Things.  So Many Things.

Whether I chose to willingly reach for and grasp these Things to Manage

    or they were tossed into my lap,

Here they are.

All. These. Things. To. Manage.

I am but a child.

A forty-one year old child,

    still trying to find my keys.

Somehow, I went from being The Youngest in my family

    to being The Oldest in my family- 

    it's not half as special a spot as my sister asserted it to be. 😜

I don't want to spend my life 

    Managing Things

    Managing Time

    Managing People

    Managing Money

I just want to live

    and let others do the managing

    (of everything except me, of course).

Maybe someday, I'll manage to become a Better Manager.

In the meantime, may God help me become a Better Me.

All the things I try to teach my children about executive functioning,

    are things I need to work on, in me.

Also, of moderate significance, the font of choice for this post is "Shadows Into Light 2"

    

Celebrating Homeschool- Ten things I love about coordinating my children's intellectual development

In my young adulthood, I remember admiring families who were the picture of Homeschool Done Well. It went on my bucket list,  alongside all the other things that would require multiple lives to fulfill: "Homeschool my kids."

Alrighty, then, here we are. Living the dream. 

Like so many things in life, and especially in parenting,  how we choose to educate our children is a deeply personal choice, impacted by so many things, impacting so many things.

My husband had a picture in his head of Homeschool Not Done Well. It was NOT on his bucket list. So we still have conversations: IS this the best thing for this child, for this year? Is this still the best thing for our family? And although he clearly does not want the role of  Primary Teacher, he gets called, not infrequently, to consult in his role of Principal.

This is not the place nor the time for me to elaborate on all our reasons for choosing homeschool as the current best option for our family.

If you note the title of this blurb, you'll notice it specifically says "Ten things I LOVE about...."  So even though,  like most things we enjoy, there are days when The Dream explodes into a sort of Wild Nightmare, that's not what this is about. 

I specifically call it "coordinating my children's intellectual development" because it helps my mental/emotional endurance when I recognize that I am not The Source of all their learning.  I coordinate it.

We use countdowns all the time here. It's a way of measuring how long you have until you're done. 

So, here we go.....

TEN!    I love being present for those Moments of Discovery, when the lightbulb goes on. I love being the one who gets to hear their exclamation and see the sparkle in their eye. 

NINE!    I love the integration of Book Learning with Life Learning. 

EIGHT!    I love being able to dedicate my Mom Energy to actual education rather than fundraisers and hot lunches and school transportation, as we would for some of the local parochial school options.  (I remind myself of this routinely,  because some days, the trade-off looks appealing.) 

SEVEN!   I love the flexibility of being able to flex our school time around farming and our meat business obligations. 

SIX!  I love that the 7 year old learns alongside the 9 year old (for some things), and that the 4 year old learns as I teach the 7 year old,  and the 20 month old learns from them all.

FIVE!    I love that I get to learn right with them, in things like history. 

FOUR!    I love that we can customize each child's education without bucking the system.  Whether the child learns to read at 4 or 7 is less relevant than that they are moving forward in their personalized goals.

THREE!   I love that I get to be with them during the hours of their best energy.

TWO!      When we're done with school, we're done with school. No homework.  

ONE!   We get to Experience Life Together, and grow together. Not always the easiest thing, but it gives us lots of opportunities to practice love, and we're making lots of memories. 

BLASTOFF!!!  OK, this one's bonus. But I am SO THANKFUL  for all the resources that make homeschool so much easier than it would be otherwise.  Teachers, books, online courses, homeschool assistance programs, libraries, field trips- the list goes on and on. I don't teach have to teach them everything they will know- I just have to coordinate their learning experiences. This I can do. For now.

The End.

----

(Written later)

I am using these Ten Things lists as a quick writing exercise, and an exercise in not having to overthink the details before I publish it.

But I miss things. In this case, I missed perhaps the most important thing I love about homeschool. 

The overarching reason I love homeschool is the ability to teach our faith in every aspect of our lives and learning. 

------

Unhoarding

For some reason, it's easier to make fun of someone else's hoarding than to deal with our own.

My mom is a prime target of our mockery. We laugh at her jello that's as old as her house (I really have no idea how old her jello is, just that it is old. But still good, of course. Gelatin is longevous.).

Recently,  my son found some jello in my own pantry which was several years expired.  I discarded it. When you have a child whose nervous system does not respond kindly to Red #40, you do things like throw jello away. Even longevous jello.

Later, I was cleaning the cupboard with some jars full of dry goods. There was a jar of red hots that I'm pretty sure pre-dated Craig and my first date, which was also red hot (well, actually,  it wasn't.  It was cool and awkward, but we had a second date). Anyway,  I was debating the fate of the red hots, which I won't feed my children for the same reason I avoid Jello. I tapped the side of the jar to dislodge the aged red hots, and the jar busted. It was a slow cascade from the broken jar, but the red hots poured and poured and poured, into my jacket, and into my pockets, and all over the floor. The red hot question answered itself.

Too many spaces in my house are occupied by things that are there just because Someone put them there. "Do it later" stacks don't work well for me; they just invite friends over to stay.

It's a testimony to Crisis Hopping, and being in survival mode for too long. 

So I have been slowly working my way through The Stacks, making room for Current Things in our lives.

If I would get embarrassed by this sort of thing, I would be Very Embarrassed.  But instead, I blab about it online,  because, well, maybe you have piles you need to dig through too, and I'm here to say, "You can do it!"

I found treasures like chapstick from a job fair in nursing school. From 2008?

Tonight,  I went through this entire stack of tubs, and saved a few things, and filed a few more. One of them was tax information from 2017/2018, blissfully taking up space in my cupboard. That information has been relocated to a logical location, and I have both the container AND some extra cupboard space. It probably took 20 minutes to get through the entire stack.

Here are a few reasons I have so many things to "unhoard":

- Poor boundaries,  and not vetting incoming things more carefully. 

- Physical and mental/emotional limitations.  I legitimately had to let some things go, through certain seasons.

- Procrastination 

- Perfectionism,  and waiting for the perfect time to do the perfect thing with the stuff.

So now, I've got stacks and boxes to deal with.

One Little Thing at a time.

Now I'm curious- what are the space-fillers in your life? How do you avoid the Procrastination Cesspool?

Celebrating the Family of God- 10 things I love about my church

 

The "family of God" is much larger than our church. But these ten things are about our church, in particular. 

1. We meet in an old church building with  stained glass windows.

2. We're an odd mix of traditional, old-fashioned,  and modern.

3. The people make incredible food. Seriously,  the potlucks never disappoint. I think I always take the worst food there 😆 

4. The children have some wonderful Sunday School teachers who have invested many hours into developing a through-the-Bible interactive study.

5. Bible memory is encouraged and rewarded, for the kids.

6. Our singing is a lot better than it was 10 years ago 😉. The building acoustics help, too.

7. Adult Ladies' Sunday School Class. We're working our way through Romans right now, and I am thoroughly enjoying the study.

8. We practice some New Testament teachings that many find strange and many more deem unnecessary. Washing each others' feet. Anointing with oil for the sick. Heads covered for the women. Fasting is encouraged.  

9. We do fun things together. 

10. We serve each other. We have had so many meals cooked for us, through Baby Season, and we've cooked a few for others. There is willingness to pitch in and get things done. Sometimes,  as in most groups, there has to be some extra motivational encouragement,  depending on the project,  but I'm thankful for the work-together attitude. 

There are more things, but there's my Ten Things List!

Celebrating Life on the Farm- 10 things I love about scratching out a living from the dirt

Being on a farm is not where I envisioned myself in my adulthood,  and parts of it I will never love. But this isn't about that; it's about the parts I do love.

1. Wide open spaces

2. Animals

3. Few neighbors

4. Beautiful sunrises and sunsets

5. Quiet places

6. Big skies

7. Fresh air

8. Green things

9. Educational opportunities 

10. The Farmer Himself

Ten Things I Love About Being a Mom to Our Four Kids...and then Ten More Things

Having children is one of the biggest learning curves of my life. College education doesn't prepare you for it, and the kids don't come with an individualized Mother's Manual. 

Having children is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I've had aching, empty arms in my years of singleness, and a hemorrhaging heart from pregnancy loss. So now when my arms ache in fatigue and my heart carries the burden of care for them,  it is healthy to reflect on why I love being a mom to this set of children. 

So here it is:

Ten Things I love About Being a Mom to Our Four Kids (and some gentle reminders to myself)

 1. Eternal Investment and Purpose. 

Having children is not required for this, but having children puts these opportunities right into your lap. Literally. Keep it in focus and give it your all. Invest your resources wisely.

2. Personal Development 

There is a constant learning curve for parents,  and the opportunity to grow and change along with our children.  Add some special needs, and you'll learn a whole new field of knowledge.  You may even gain a bit of humility and empathy along the way. Don't waste it. Grow. Change. Embrace. 

3. Honest Observations 

The kids just say it as they see it. Listen and learn!

4. Squish Hugs. 

Big family hug! Add a chorus of giggles, and freeze the moment, because I want to remember these smiles forever. 

5. Creative Expression. 

It's so fun to see the drawings and stuff they are learning to make.  With their imagination,  I look forward to watching this develop!

6. Music in the Air. 

We have various levels of interest and natural ability in the singing department,  but I love hearing them sing. One of them is learning piano as well.

7. All The Love. 

There is nothing quite as sweet as kids looking out for each other. "I'm glad you're my mom" is invigorating. 

8. A Pat on the Back. 

 My very favorite baby feedback that I hope I never, ever forget is when I pick up my baby and she pats my back, while I pat hers.

9. Hugs and Kisses and Good Nightses. 

If you watch our bedtime ritual,  you might raise your eyebrow. They hold out their hands,  I dump some air into them, they smear it over their bodies. We call it Love Cups, but that's another story for another day. 

10. Sleeping. 

 Gaze in awe, as those wiggly, squirmy, noisy, energetic little bodies lie quiet, their only movement the rise and fall of the chest. Thank God for the blessings of family, and rest in His care.

I mean all of those things with all my heart. 

But most blessings in life come with a Pack of Hard Things.

So.... here's the Exhausted Mom Version 😜

.........

10 More Things About Being Mom to Four

 1. A full filled fulfilled life. "You have your hands full!" Oh, really? Glad you pointed that out, in case I hadn't noticed. Not just my hands, actually. My lap. My couch. My car. My brain. It's all full. My heart-- it's full too. 

2. Well-exercised lungs. KJ has the scissors. Deep breath. K is on the monkey bars. Deep Breath. T is running barefoot on top of the calf huts. Deep breath. D has turned the dining room into a science lab. Deep Breath. The kids made breakfast. Deep Breath.

3. Complimentary Blind Spot Detection Service. 

 "Mom, can you please move? Your armpits stink." 

"This kale tastes like weeds!"

4. Squish Hugs. 

 Because what fun would it be to just hug my husband when he walks in the door, without 1, 2, 3, or 4 Small Bodies slithering in between us? 

5. Creative Expression. 

 Green stripes on the couch? Black waves on the white cupboards? Blue fingers? It's all in style now.  

6. Music in the Air. 

 The more songs you can get going at once, the better. Go ahead, crank up the volume! Top of the lungs, now! 

7. All The Love. 

 "We are the brothers that love each other." Maybe if we say it often enough, it will become visibly true more often. 

"HEY, POPSICLE!!!!"

8. A Pat on the Back. 

Emphasize the love with a fist pounding from Little Bro.

9. Hugs and Kisses and Good Nightses. 

 Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Send those kiddos off to sleep.  

10. Sleeping. 

 Gaze in awe, as those wiggly, squirmy, noisy, energetic little bodies lie quiet, their only movement the rise and fall of the chest. Are these still the same Humans? Then, collapse into your own bed, exhausted. Lie awake for hours, praying and wondering if the Little Beings will learn to love each other and become Functional Humans who love and build up those around them. 

Thank you, God.

Amen.

Celebrating Marriage: 10 Reasons I Love Being Married to Craig

I wish I didn't feel any hesitation to put this out there for people to read, but I do.

We have single friends whom we honor.

We have friends whose marriages are brutal and broken.

We have friends whose marriage partners have died, and the hole in their lives is massive. 

We also have a marriage that is far from perfect,  because WE are far from perfect. 

Yet, perhaps it is because of these things, I write. 

Marriage was designed to be beautiful,  and, even in its imperfection, I want to celebrate the love of marriage. 

1. I was single for 30 years. I actually loved that life. But it gets lonely after awhile. Loneliness exists within marriage, too- but it's different.  I have My Someone. I love having My Someone. 

2. Have you ever lived with a hormonal woman? It ain't easy (so I hear🤣). But, 4 babies and several miscarriages later, my husband has survived my hormonal roller coaster,  and somehow, he has managed to love me through it. I love that he was my companion through it all, and went with me to every single early OB appointment- I am SO THANKFUL he was there for the hard ones. (We are both enjoying having my hormones a bit more stable again 🙃)

3. If you are a person of wildly passionate thoughts and ideas and emotions, I hope you have a stable person, somewhere, to help keep you grounded and balanced. Craig's name means "rock," and I love that he is my rock.

4. I love that our children run to him with shining eyes and big smiles, when he comes in the door.

5. If you know Craig,  you know that he may not be loud in a crowd, but he holds opinions that are stubbornly unswerving. I love that he has been willing to bend, ever so slightly, on things like occasionally driving a car instead of a truck, and drinking coffee (iced, but it's coffee!😉). 

6. Speaking of coffee, I lived the first 30 years of my life with the delusion that what married people do every morning is have great conversation over coffee. It has taken 10+ years to get there, but I love having someone to converse with over coffee. I'll gladly ice it! It's still not a daily thing for us, like it was (almost) for my parents,  to sit and have a long chat over coffee. But progress is progress!!

7. My favorite of Craig's shirts is the one that says, "Don't panic- Dad will fix it." As a homeowner when I was single, I considered writing a book "On Being My Own Handyman."  I love that my husband is capable of fixing just about anything that can be fixed with a little welding, a little warping, or a little wood. He makes it look so easy.

8. Touch is a touchy subject with me. I wasn't touched much for 30 years.  Sometimes, I like being touched; sometimes, I don't.  With four kids, by the time Craig comes in, there are days that every single one of my touch receptors is on fire, and I don't want to touch or be touched.  I love having access to touch when I need it; I also love that I'm allowed to say, "Not right now, please" when I need a break. I especially love having a foot warmer. 😁

9. Being married to a man who is able and willing to do just about anything for just about anyone is wonderful- and hard.  I love that he's that kind of man, even though I get kinda selfish about sharing him sometimes.  I have a whole new appreciation for, say, pastors' wives, who constantly share their husbands all around the community a whole lot more than I share mine.  I love that he's willing to help others when the opportunity arises- it's why we're here.

10. Craig and I are very different persons.  It's not a bad thing.  Both of us have expanded our minds and grown our hearts a little larger, because of the differences in our fields of knowledge and interests.  He reads more, sings more, and pulls the keys more often than he did 12 years ago.  I know a whole lot more about cattle and tractors and how things work than I did 12 years ago.  I love working with him in our meat business, because we sharpen each other's ideas- I work mostly with the marketing part of it, and he designs and builds heavy duty carts to haul the grills and freezers.  I love being married to my teammate, and I love that we get to each help the other become a better person.

After we became engaged, people came out of the woodwork to tell us that marriage is hard work.  I mean, they weren't wrong, because relationships just ARE that way.  Almost 12 years later, I'm still saying that LIFE is hard work, and I'm so thankful to have someone to do the hard things with.

And THAT is why I'm celebrating marriage.

p.s. Yes, I had Craig's permission before I said all this stuff about him 😉

Photo from our wedding day, August 25, 2012.

Many thanks to Portraits by Jeanna and all the others who helped preserve our memories from that day!