Ten Things I Love About Being a Mom to Our Four Kids...and then Ten More Things

Having children is one of the biggest learning curves of my life. College education doesn't prepare you for it, and the kids don't come with an individualized Mother's Manual. 

Having children is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I've had aching, empty arms in my years of singleness, and a hemorrhaging heart from pregnancy loss. So now when my arms ache in fatigue and my heart carries the burden of care for them,  it is healthy to reflect on why I love being a mom to this set of children. 

So here it is:

Ten Things I love About Being a Mom to Our Four Kids (and some gentle reminders to myself)

 1. Eternal Investment and Purpose. 

Having children is not required for this, but having children puts these opportunities right into your lap. Literally. Keep it in focus and give it your all. Invest your resources wisely.

2. Personal Development 

There is a constant learning curve for parents,  and the opportunity to grow and change along with our children.  Add some special needs, and you'll learn a whole new field of knowledge.  You may even gain a bit of humility and empathy along the way. Don't waste it. Grow. Change. Embrace. 

3. Honest Observations 

The kids just say it as they see it. Listen and learn!

4. Squish Hugs. 

Big family hug! Add a chorus of giggles, and freeze the moment, because I want to remember these smiles forever. 

5. Creative Expression. 

It's so fun to see the drawings and stuff they are learning to make.  With their imagination,  I look forward to watching this develop!

6. Music in the Air. 

We have various levels of interest and natural ability in the singing department,  but I love hearing them sing. One of them is learning piano as well.

7. All The Love. 

There is nothing quite as sweet as kids looking out for each other. "I'm glad you're my mom" is invigorating. 

8. A Pat on the Back. 

 My very favorite baby feedback that I hope I never, ever forget is when I pick up my baby and she pats my back, while I pat hers.

9. Hugs and Kisses and Good Nightses. 

If you watch our bedtime ritual,  you might raise your eyebrow. They hold out their hands,  I dump some air into them, they smear it over their bodies. We call it Love Cups, but that's another story for another day. 

10. Sleeping. 

 Gaze in awe, as those wiggly, squirmy, noisy, energetic little bodies lie quiet, their only movement the rise and fall of the chest. Thank God for the blessings of family, and rest in His care.

I mean all of those things with all my heart. 

But most blessings in life come with a Pack of Hard Things.

So.... here's the Exhausted Mom Version 😜

.........

10 More Things About Being Mom to Four

 1. A full filled fulfilled life. "You have your hands full!" Oh, really? Glad you pointed that out, in case I hadn't noticed. Not just my hands, actually. My lap. My couch. My car. My brain. It's all full. My heart-- it's full too. 

2. Well-exercised lungs. KJ has the scissors. Deep breath. K is on the monkey bars. Deep Breath. T is running barefoot on top of the calf huts. Deep breath. D has turned the dining room into a science lab. Deep Breath. The kids made breakfast. Deep Breath.

3. Complimentary Blind Spot Detection Service. 

 "Mom, can you please move? Your armpits stink." 

"This kale tastes like weeds!"

4. Squish Hugs. 

 Because what fun would it be to just hug my husband when he walks in the door, without 1, 2, 3, or 4 Small Bodies slithering in between us? 

5. Creative Expression. 

 Green stripes on the couch? Black waves on the white cupboards? Blue fingers? It's all in style now.  

6. Music in the Air. 

 The more songs you can get going at once, the better. Go ahead, crank up the volume! Top of the lungs, now! 

7. All The Love. 

 "We are the brothers that love each other." Maybe if we say it often enough, it will become visibly true more often. 

"HEY, POPSICLE!!!!"

8. A Pat on the Back. 

Emphasize the love with a fist pounding from Little Bro.

9. Hugs and Kisses and Good Nightses. 

 Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Send those kiddos off to sleep.  

10. Sleeping. 

 Gaze in awe, as those wiggly, squirmy, noisy, energetic little bodies lie quiet, their only movement the rise and fall of the chest. Are these still the same Humans? Then, collapse into your own bed, exhausted. Lie awake for hours, praying and wondering if the Little Beings will learn to love each other and become Functional Humans who love and build up those around them. 

Thank you, God.

Amen.

Celebrating Marriage: 10 Reasons I Love Being Married to Craig

I wish I didn't feel any hesitation to put this out there for people to read, but I do.

We have single friends whom we honor.

We have friends whose marriages are brutal and broken.

We have friends whose marriage partners have died, and the hole in their lives is massive. 

We also have a marriage that is far from perfect,  because WE are far from perfect. 

Yet, perhaps it is because of these things, I write. 

Marriage was designed to be beautiful,  and, even in its imperfection, I want to celebrate the love of marriage. 

1. I was single for 30 years. I actually loved that life. But it gets lonely after awhile. Loneliness exists within marriage, too- but it's different.  I have My Someone. I love having My Someone. 

2. Have you ever lived with a hormonal woman? It ain't easy (so I hear🤣). But, 4 babies and several miscarriages later, my husband has survived my hormonal roller coaster,  and somehow, he has managed to love me through it. I love that he was my companion through it all, and went with me to every single early OB appointment- I am SO THANKFUL he was there for the hard ones. (We are both enjoying having my hormones a bit more stable again 🙃)

3. If you are a person of wildly passionate thoughts and ideas and emotions, I hope you have a stable person, somewhere, to help keep you grounded and balanced. Craig's name means "rock," and I love that he is my rock.

4. I love that our children run to him with shining eyes and big smiles, when he comes in the door.

5. If you know Craig,  you know that he may not be loud in a crowd, but he holds opinions that are stubbornly unswerving. I love that he has been willing to bend, ever so slightly, on things like occasionally driving a car instead of a truck, and drinking coffee (iced, but it's coffee!😉). 

6. Speaking of coffee, I lived the first 30 years of my life with the delusion that what married people do every morning is have great conversation over coffee. It has taken 10+ years to get there, but I love having someone to converse with over coffee. I'll gladly ice it! It's still not a daily thing for us, like it was (almost) for my parents,  to sit and have a long chat over coffee. But progress is progress!!

7. My favorite of Craig's shirts is the one that says, "Don't panic- Dad will fix it." As a homeowner when I was single, I considered writing a book "On Being My Own Handyman."  I love that my husband is capable of fixing just about anything that can be fixed with a little welding, a little warping, or a little wood. He makes it look so easy.

8. Touch is a touchy subject with me. I wasn't touched much for 30 years.  Sometimes, I like being touched; sometimes, I don't.  With four kids, by the time Craig comes in, there are days that every single one of my touch receptors is on fire, and I don't want to touch or be touched.  I love having access to touch when I need it; I also love that I'm allowed to say, "Not right now, please" when I need a break. I especially love having a foot warmer. 😁

9. Being married to a man who is able and willing to do just about anything for just about anyone is wonderful- and hard.  I love that he's that kind of man, even though I get kinda selfish about sharing him sometimes.  I have a whole new appreciation for, say, pastors' wives, who constantly share their husbands all around the community a whole lot more than I share mine.  I love that he's willing to help others when the opportunity arises- it's why we're here.

10. Craig and I are very different persons.  It's not a bad thing.  Both of us have expanded our minds and grown our hearts a little larger, because of the differences in our fields of knowledge and interests.  He reads more, sings more, and pulls the keys more often than he did 12 years ago.  I know a whole lot more about cattle and tractors and how things work than I did 12 years ago.  I love working with him in our meat business, because we sharpen each other's ideas- I work mostly with the marketing part of it, and he designs and builds heavy duty carts to haul the grills and freezers.  I love being married to my teammate, and I love that we get to each help the other become a better person.

After we became engaged, people came out of the woodwork to tell us that marriage is hard work.  I mean, they weren't wrong, because relationships just ARE that way.  Almost 12 years later, I'm still saying that LIFE is hard work, and I'm so thankful to have someone to do the hard things with.

And THAT is why I'm celebrating marriage.

p.s. Yes, I had Craig's permission before I said all this stuff about him 😉

Photo from our wedding day, August 25, 2012.

Many thanks to Portraits by Jeanna and all the others who helped preserve our memories from that day!

A list of lists

I love lists. They help clear out my brain.

Here's my list of 10 lists to write about 10 things to celebrate in each of these areas.

 Please note that finding reasons to celebrate does not mean my life is perfect in any of these categories.  But I have found gratitude to be the best antidote to glumness, and I have to consciously fight against glumness this time of the year. 

So here it is....my list of lists to work on...

1. Celebrating Marriage- 10 things I love about being married to Craig

2. Celebrating Motherhood- 10 things I love about having 4 kids

3. Celebrating Life on the Farm- 10 things I love about scratching out a living from the dirt

4. Celebrating the Family of God- 10 things I love about my church 

5. Celebrating Homeschool- 10 things I love about coordinating my children's intellectual development

6. Celebrating Music- 10 musical works I love

7. Celebrating Literature- 10 books or stories I enjoy 

8. Celebrating My Heritage- 10 things I appreciate about my Mom and Dad's history 

9. Celebrating Nature- 10 things I enjoy about the earth 

10. Celebrating Who God Made Me to Be- 10 things about myself 

I don't plan to tackle them in any particular order. It may take me 10 days, weeks or years to write them. But there's my lists of lists.

Got lists? I'd love to see yours! 😜

Criticism

 I'm digging up an old word sketch tonight.

Actually,  it's a song I wrote probably two decades ago. 

I don't remember the specifics of why I wrote these words, but every now and then, they echo through my heart.

...........

There are those who criticize

I cringe beneath condemning eyes

I want to run away and hide

Or scream, and tell how hard I tried 

Search me, oh God, and know my heart 

Search me, oh God, examine every part

Search me, oh God, and see if there be

Some wicked way in me

Opinions and expectations 

Can multiply life's frustrations

Whom should I please? What should I do?

Oh, God- I want to please you!!

Search me, oh God, and know my heart 

Search me, oh God, examine every part

Search me, oh God, and see if there be

Some wicked way in me

Tales of Terror: Blizzardy Aftermath

 I don't know the stories, but they sure left their tracks

All along the highway to the city and back.

Leftover debris

Of catastrophe 

Of crashes and smashes

In blizzardy dashes. 

I don't know what it was like to be out in the storm

I was playing sardines with the kids, in the warm.

But folks left a long trail of tales in the ditches

There were lots of plans that made sudden switches!

I don't know the stories, but there had to be terror

Judging by the vehicles still littered there.

There were upside-downers

There were spun-arounders

There were front-shaved-off, engines bared ones

There were  Not Much Left, did they make it out of there? ones

Jack-knifed trailers behind pickups and semis,

I don't know, but I have to surmise

It was a weekend not soon forgotten by any

A weekend unforgettable to many.

I wanna wanna but I really don't wanna do what I gotta do

Sit.

Do it.

Focus.

Oh, bogus.

Kids in bed.

Words in head

It's 8:30 at night

I know that I might

Be  up  past midnight

Working my way through 

The  financial  book  slough

So I warm my coffee up

In  the microwave  cup,

Pour to comfort mug,

Give myself a hug

Procrastinate.

Motivate.

Hydrate.

Chew.

Do.

A Maze of Complex Contemplations About Hard Things.

As I sort through my feelings about this Very Hard week, it has led me down A Maze of Complex Contemplations About Hard Things. 

My own Hard Things this week seem trivial when compared with friends whose Hard Things of the week have much more life-changing effects.

Some of my Hard Things today are the same things whose absence create a different set of Hard Things.

I have friends whose Hard Things seem to be the exact opposite one from another.

One friend longs for marriage; another friend laments a miserable marriage.

My husband's Hard Thing was spending the last few days out IN the cold and snow; his dad's Hard Thing was spending the days out OF the cold and snow- mostly because their road hasn't been plowed yet, and has been impassable.

One Hard Thing early in our marriage was not being able to hold the children we longed for; one Hard Thing now is the wear-down that comes with relentless, 24/7 care of the children we have been graciously given.  

Here's the thing:

Most of our Hard Things come when our reality doesn't meet our desires. 

Here's the other thing:

I don't need to validate my Hard Things, to myself or anyone else. I only need to navigate them well, and let them do their Good Work in me. Even the "little" Hard Things must be navigated well, to live well.

Whether it's a desire for a healthy marriage,  functional children,  or being able to work when we want to and stop when we want to,  many of our Hard Things come when we are in pursuit of one of these desires, or when one of them has been mutilated:

1. The desire for compassionate companionship 

2. The desire for healthy balance in our lives

3. The desire for purpose bigger than ourselves 

4. The desire for perfection.

Four decades into life, I've given up on perfection in this life, and am trying to embrace my life as The Perfect Little Life for Me, Hard Things and all.

I didn't do so well with that today.

Thankfully, tomorrow is a New Day.

Don't waste the Hard Things. Not even the "little ones."

When you drink your milk...

I went to our local grocery store Thursday to buy 5 gallons of their dwindling supply of milk. Five, because that's about how many I expect we'll use in five days.

We drink milk.

But unless you, like my husband,  grew up on a dairy farm, or, also like my husband,  have picked up milk from other dairies, or, also like my husband,  are responsible for clearing the driveway so the milk trucks can get out on a snowy morning,  you probably don't think so much about it.

Next time you buy milk, especially Blizzard Milk, 

Think about the farmer who braves the weather to care for the animals. The cows must be fed, bedded, and milked. Just like always.

Think about the milk truck drivers who have to pick up milk and haul it in. Just like always. 

Think about the guy who has to clear out the driveway so the milk truck drivers can get out to haul milk.

Think about the plow drivers who have to clear the roads.

Think about the tow truck drivers who have to come rescue the oopses.

Think about the farmers who have to dump their milk because there's simply no way for it to leave the farm.

Now, take a big gulp of milk- or better yet, hot chocolate! 

With every sip, breathe in thanksgiving, and breath out a prayer, for those who made it possible for you to get your milk.

100 Words

100 words a day, continued.... 

I lack inspiration today, so I'm going to list the 1st 100 101 words or phrases that come to mind. They may or may not describe my life.

Snow. Child. Sleep. Food. Cook. 

Write. Teach. White. Veggie Tales. Peace.

 Mismatched Socks. Giggles. Awe. Sales Tax. Taxes. 

Bills. Beef. Cough. Mom's foot surgery. Cousins.

Snowballs. Snowmen. Blizzard. Snowplows. Snowcone. 

Little fingers. Sticky jam. Fingerprints. Mail. Pen.

Ramen noodles. Appointments.  Occupational Therapy. Joy. Healing. 

Four wheeler. Gator. Crocs. Odyssey. Water.

Flaky. Frosty. Foggy. Friendly. Forlorn.

Pillow. Blanket. Bed. Dishes. Dishwasher. 

Puzzle. Movie. Popcorn. Boredom Busters. Lego. 

Itch. Scar. Rash. Scratch. Pain.

Projects. Customers.  Shipping. Business. Buns.

Coffee. Vitamin B. Stars. Books. Beauty. 

Travel. Dreams. Safety. Snuggles. Love.

Relief. Freedom. Wounds. Puddles. Pups.

Friends. Blessings. Hubby. Family. Complexity. 

Decisions. Purpose. Busy. Rest. Training.

Delegation. Collaboration. Teamwork. Creativity. Mundane. 

 Stretch. Grow. Learn. Give. Feel. 

Pray.

Snow Savage

White upon white,

Masking the mood of deadened life,

Leaving little trace of the browns and grays beneath,

Hinting not at the mucky mess that will come as it deserts us, a traitor to the beauty it ushered into our lives-

Snow is splendid.

Snow is savage.

Blowing billigerently, it bites and stings as it forcefully takes over our lives.

When it has captured the region,  it lies at rest, glistening in its victory.  

It quietly barricades roads and blocks driveways and prohibits schools and shops from opening.  

In silence,  it loudly proclaims its powers, gleaming in triumph.

The battles, however,  have only begun. All the forces of The Crews rise up for the Snow Showdown. 

Scraping, shoveling, stacking, salting, blowing, plowing, the snow pile's growing!

Finally, we've plowed our way through to where we need to be. 

Schools and stores open, the world is set free from its Prison of Snow.

The sun comes out and shines for two hours, brightening spaces and brightening faces.

There finally seems to be balance of powers.

The world glistens in beauty, the snow has been quelled. 

The sky grows gray, then fills with white.

Repeat.

(Take it from the top)

About this week's snow:

It's all kinda a blur, but it started Monday evening,  and closed down Iowa while it continued to dump 10+ inches of heavy, wet white over everything on Tuesday.  It packed slick and slippery.  Schools in eastern Iowa remained closed Wednesday,  while we dug ourselves out.

By Wednesday evening,  most roads were passable, some even clear.

Just in time for it to snow again!

Thankfully,  Wednesday evening's snow, though it dumped huge flakes, was short-lived.

The next winter storm warning is Thursday 9pm to Saturday 5am, predicting another 5-10 inches and dangerous driving.

Just for fun, let's take it from the top once more.

Word Jewelry, and foot-tapping insecurities

I want to write more. 

At this season of life, I don't really care if anyone reads what I write, and I don't care as much as I should care, what they think if they do stumble upon my words. I'm not really writing for anyone else; I'm writing for me. It's what I do for fun (I'm weird that way).

Some days, however,  I let myself wonder if I could get paid for my "word jewelry" (strings of words that have been fashioned into something of beauty and value). 

It's only when I start thinking about writing for other people that I start to feel insecure about my writing. While I typed that last sentence,  my left foot started tapping frantically.

I want to write for money, but I don't want to have to care about what people think about what I write. 

Solve that!!

Out of these insecurities,  I wrote this:

---------

If I would write

Would I write right?

Would the words be worth the read?

Would the reader wonder why I wrote,

Or read what I wrote, with wonder?

If I would write, why would I write?

And why would I write what I write?

Because the words in my head, they just might explode

If they're trapped there forever, with nowhere to go.

I can write what I cannot speak,

When I write, I can delete.

When my brain fires faster than my tongue can translate,

The mords get wixed up as they fly out the gate.

But as I write, the jibberish brainwave jello starts to mold,

I can leave it and come back 'til I get the story told.

I'm terrible at following the rules of the words-

There are so many, it's really absurd.

 

I Capitalize As I Please,

Because Naming Things is one of the Small Glees

Of life that I choose to savor,

At the risk of taking me out of favor

With the Word Lords.

I mix meters and metaphors and poetry forms.

(I also think forms should rhyme with worms.)

Who writes these rules, anyway?

Must I keep them? Who's to say?

Sometimes when I write, I pull out the stoppers.

I verb-alize nouns, and scandalize Propers.

I comma with Oxford, AP or, random.

Some things I write are really quite dumb.

 

But I write, 

Because the words I write might

Make someone's day bright

Or help someone see 

Something differently. 

But mostly,  

I write for me.

The End.

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