20 times I've felt pretty scared

• One night, there was an orange glow in my bedroom, then I looked out to see flames from the old hay shed. It needed to come down anyway, but still!
• On a cross-country solo flight, I had a pretty rough landing. It was fine, I was fine. I probably just remember it because the whole solo flight was a big deal, and I didn't want to mess up. For more reasons than one.
• I put my arm into my coat sleeve & a mouse jumped out the other end.
• While swimming in the ocean in NYC, I was rescued by a lifeguard. He was at my side about the time I realized I was in the current and might be in trouble.
• When I was little, I dreamed soldiers surrounded our house. One of them bopped me on the head with his sword. I woke up. I had bopped my own head on the headboard. It scared me enough that I remember.
• One day, I was alone hunting, and saw what I'm still sure was a cougar. I mean, I had a gun, but I still felt there wasn't room out there for the both of us. So I walked out. Alive.
• I was burning dead grass down by the old cabin & almost started the whole timber aflame.
• Our house was broken into & cash stolen by someone we had tried to help. Watching the cops go through our house spotlighting all our closets left its mark on my impressionable mind.
• Sitting in a deer stand on opening morning, hearing sirens on the highway 5 miles north is foreboding. Later, I learned one of my classmates had been shot in a hunting accident. He lived.
• A couple summers ago, the roll bar on the mower caught the swingset & pulled the swingset over, on top of me. I got a bruise on my arm.
• My horse was an American Saddlebred.  She had an amazing gait, but if she was startled, she startled dramatically. This was especially frightening when we were riding between a cornfield & the woods & met someone walking around the corner.
• I got (or felt?) lost on the field path between my uncle's & my Grandparents. I was pretty little, and it might be the first time I remember feeling terrified & alone.
• We made a mismove one day while working cattle, and a half-grown steer kicked me in the face.
• Dad was driving the big van home from a bake sale in Des Moines. The roads were slick, and we couldn't make it up "the big hill". Since there was a ravine on the other side of the road, he hooked 2 wheels off the edge of the road on our side & backed down the hill. We took a different way home & got stuck. Someone pulled us out with the tractor. We eventually made it home.
• Flying (as a passenger in a Christian Eagle) inverted across my parents' farm was a little tough on my stomach.
• My patients have periodically made me nervous. One example is walking in & finding my patient in hypoglycemic shock. Watching her wake up while I administered dextrose sticks in my mind as one of the most satisfying "instant gratification" moments of my career.

Since I got married, my opportunities for concern have quintrupled.

• The boys, probably about ages 3 & 5, disappeared over the hill, chasing birds. I thought I knew where they were. When we called them for lunch, there was no response. Craig drove one way around the farm, I drove the other, but we met without the boys. We found them where they had been out of the line of our sight, playing in and around the big culvert that runs under the road. 
• My husband prefers to video nearby tornadoes, to hanging out with the kids & me in the basement. Of course, were it not for those kids, I probably would have been watching too.
• One of the boys got bit by a dog, at least 3 different places on his scalp. It was bloody but superficial.
• Craig nearly amputated the end of his thumb. Being pregnant, I was also afraid I would pass out while watching him be treated in the ER.

Those are *some* of the ones I remember. I often wonder how many more times there are than I even know, when I (and those I love) have been protected. 

Writing all these things reminds me that I am here by the grace & mercy of God. There is a reason I use joytobealive as my blog name & email. Every day is a gift. I want to treasure each day I have with those I love.

Sense-ations of Love

When one of the first sounds I hear in the morning is coffee grinding, and the man grinding it is a firmly acclaimed Coffee Non-drinker, I know- this is what love sounds like.

When I feel those little fingers grasping, gently curling and uncurling around mine, I know- this is what love feels like.

When the smell of that coffee surfs the air current into the living room, just waiting for me to finish feeding the baby, I know- this is what love smells like.

When I look outside, and see lights in the barn because he said that since there are fewer calves again, I don't need to help feed them every single feeding, I know- this is what love looks like.

When I finally get to taste that morning coffee, and it tastes just a little bit better this morning, I know- this is what love tastes like. 

When I find myself spinning in the balance of exhaustion and exhilaration, of wants and needs, of hugs and quarrels, of offenses and forgiveness, of calm and LOUD, I know- this is the proprioception of love.

Now it's your turn! I'd love to hear about YOUR sense-ations of love today!

How did you hear-feel-smell-see-taste-sense love today? 

Bonus material

Obviously, when I wrote this, Morning Coffee was heavy on my mind. I could have written these alternative Sense-ations, as the day progressed:

When I catch a whiff, and go to change yet another powerfully scented diaper, I know- this is what love smells like.

When I bite into that Pancake-egg-meat-cheese sandwich that he made when he came in from chores (because I was neck-deep in several business-related projects), I know- this is what love tastes like.

Thanksgiving Day Thanks

 

In this Moment of Quiet on Thanksgiving Day

I pause, and give thanks.

I give thanks

for the beauty of quiet, 

for I love it

yet rarely get to bask in it

save in the dense darkness

of the mid-night hours.

I give thanks for the treasue of spending this day with My Family

My family

Not the family I came from

But the family that came from me

And my husband.

My husband.

How can I so quickly forget the sheer pleasure and security that rest in that reality?

I have a husband, 

My husband has me

And together, we have a little family

A busy, noisy, precious little family.

I was sad for a moment

To spend this day with Just Us.

But I'm thinking maybe it should be a tradition.

We get so few days

Of just us. All of us. Together. At home.

It is precious.

I love it.

I thought my energy bank

held not enough wattage

to cook up a feast.

But, with the scoop of Humble Pie

that allows the daughter of a "famous" baker

to eat Pumpkin Pie from Costco,

and the Mennonite pride to bow 

and buy ready-made mashed potatoes,

We had a Thanksgiving Feast

served with Thanksgiving

right there with the Whipped Cream swirl

sprayed on top of the iced coffee

made just for me

by my hubby.

In this moment of quiet

I pause to remember those who suffer today

in the cesspools of illness, grief, relationships, trauma, loneliness.

Life is hard.

Even on Thanksgiving.

Especially on Thanksgiving.

May the God of hope grant us joy and peace.

Amen.

Beef up your Thanksgiving!

This little ditty flew off my brain in the middle of the night, when I was trying to write a marketing email for our beef.

If you actually ARE interested in our beef, you can visit millerfamilyhomestead.com

__________

Cows don't fly

And the facts don't lie

The risk of Beef having Bird Flu

Is not very high.

Instead of a Thanksgiving Turkey or Ham

The Millers can help make a better plan!

Roasted Beef Roast, grilled Ribeye, Sirloin or Filet,

Are fit for the In-Laws who come on that day.

Dried Beef & cheese sandwiches, Beef Dogs, and Sticks

Chili and jerky can add to the mix.

Smoked Short Ribs or Brisket-

Oh, how you could fix it!

A big, juicy burger, a big pot of Beef Stew

Would be perfect to warm up the really cold you!

Fajitas with flank steak, Bologna with cheese

You can serve up a feast with the greatest of ease!

Beef bacon for breakfast, Steak for lunch,

Tacos for supper- munch, munch, munch, munch, munch!

We’ll even bring your meat right to your house!

So get gas for the grill, and talk to your spouse.

If you order by Saturday, November nineteen,

We'll bring it to you before Thanksgiving- yippee!

So shoot me an email or give me a call.

Your Beefed-up Thanksgiving will be greatest of all!

DAY TEN: Today I noticed...

 Day Ten

Today I noticed that, even though arts and crafts are generally my nemesis, I was able to complete a couple 10 minute projects (with the supplies and ideas provided) without making this world an uglier place to live. 

I noticed a few tender moments between siblings.

I noticed how nice it is to have a baby to feed while watching the other ladies play Limbo 😆😆

I noticed that it's the 10th day of my 10 day challenge. I have enjoyed this little mental exercise immensely; thanks for walking along with me!

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

DAY NINE: Today I noticed...

Today I noticed how lovely rain sounds. I almost forgot!

I noticed how refreshing it was to sit down and eat a meal together with my family.

I noticed the striking resemblance a field radish bears to a field mouse. Only the whiskers are at the wrong end. 

I noticed the joy when a child starts to grasp the building blocks of reading.

I noticed that the 3 year-old is telling his own bedtime stories to himself. 

I noticed the adoring eyes of Baby Girl, who finally gets to fall asleep in Daddy's arms again.

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

DAY EIGHT: Today I noticed....

Today I noticed how very very ready I am to return to regular sit-down meals with our family. This has been a beautiful harvest time, and the weather has been amazing. We're done with our own harvest but today Craig harvested someone else's beans.  Plus we have All These Calves (58 on bucket/bottle is latest count) we have committed to keep alive! Somewhere in the middle of the muddle, mealtimes have gone kuh-plew-ee, and we all eat when and where we're able.

Our "normal" is to eat 3 sit-down meals a day, starting with breakfast after chores are done. Seasons like this help me realize the blessings of this routine.

I always have had an admiration for the strength of single moms who carry the heavy weight of All the Everything. I don't personally do well when All the Everything lands on me for very long.  I welcome the close of Harvest, when Daddy Time is a little more readily accessible.

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

DAY SEVEN: Today I noticed...

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

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 Day Seven

Today I noticed the creativity of our 5 year old.

He always chooses brilliantly vibrant colors that match his personality: energetic and a bit unpredictable, but never lacking in imaginative expression.

He, with the help of a brother or two, designed, built, and photographed this structure in our living room today. I think it's a train station.

I also notice that whenever he knows I notice his creativity, he smiles from the inside of his soul, and beams all over.

I hope that as he grows, and his creativity blossoms, that it will bless many people around him, and make this world a better place.

DAY SIX: Today I noticed...

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

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Day Six

Today I noticed that agriscience class was tops.

I noticed how thankful I felt when I heard a friend's surgery went okay.

I noticed the colors of the squash.

I noticed the wonderful weather.

I noticed the blessings of generous friends and neighbors.

I noticed how refreshing it was to spend some time with a couple other moms.

I noticed that our 3 year old has some pretty amazing Stay Awake tactics.

I noticed that Heyn's Apple Pie ice cream is worth eating one's green beans for!

DAY FIVE: Today I noticed...

 This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

Day Five

Today I noticed one of the amazing things about Iowa: in 3 weeks, the landscape can change drastically. Instead of green privacy fences everywhere, one can suddenly see for miles and miles.

I noticed that, on the 78 mile route I chose between home and Pella, we passed equal numbers of combines, gas stations, and unharvested fields of corn: one.

I noticed that traffic lights can really photo bomb an otherwise lovely view!

DAY FOUR: Today I noticed....

 This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

----

Day Four

Today I noticed it's taking more candles on the cakes these days!

And if you're not sure how this post took 10 minutes to write, well, you should try being a mom looking at a picture like this.

DAY THREE: Today I noticed...

This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

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DAY 3

Today I noticed that I have a team. It is a team in training, but it's a team.

I went to bed late last night, and spent what felt like most of the rest of the night up with Baby. This morning, when it was time to be getting up, I was fast asleep. 

When I finally did pry my eyelids open, and got up (around 8), the boys had a load of laundry going, had already been out to help Craig feed the calves, and were sitting on the floor in the living room playing their own variation of Sorry that included their toy cars. A quick reminder later, and the table was set, the dishwasher was unloaded, and they were back at their game.

Thanks to the power of repetition, they know what to do when they wake up. Usually they do it without complaining, and often, in this season of interrupted nights, I wake up to find them either doing their tasks or enjoying the free time they get when their tasks are complete.

Sometimes, I can get sucked into the cesspool of self-pity and feel that All This Stuff lands on me. Yes, it does. But I have a team. For this I am grateful.

DAY TWO: Today I noticed...

 This post is part of a personal challenge: For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

---------------------------------------

DAY TWO

Today I noticed bright colors.  As the world turns brown, the bright yellow chrysanthemums that we have managed to protect from the cold nights appear even brighter.  Also, in times when the darkness feels Extra Black, every flicker of light shines brighter.

I noticed the dirt on the kitchen ceiling fan.  Actually, I have noticed it many times.  I just did something about it today.  To be honest, I may have cleaned the kitchen fan to avoid the 999,999 other things on my mental To-Do list.  At least if you visit me and happen to look up at the kitchen ceiling fan, you shouldn't think, "Oh, disgusting!!"

I noticed that some days, it just makes more sense to write a list of things that you actually got done, rather than things that need to be done.

I noticed how blessed the quietness is, when it is 8:08 p.m. and there are four sleeping children in the house.  And I says to myself, says I, "THIS is why we go nowhere in the evenings."  And I sigh a tiny little sigh that is a mix of relief and loneliness and weariness.  

I notice how sweet the quietness is, when my husband is there to break that quietness, and we can actually carry an uninterrupted adult conversation.

DAY ONE: Today I noticed....

Just a little personal challenge:  

For 10 days, spend 10 minutes each day writing.  Start with "Today I noticed..."

---------------------------------------

DAY ONE

Today I noticed....

...the eagerness and excitement in the eyes of my son when I said, "Would you like to do that painting project?" For their mother to be willing to embrace the mess of letting kids paint is a rare treat.  I noticed that he soaked up the 1:1 time with Mom, like the wood soaked up the paint.

Today I noticed....

...that Baby Girl was bubbling with giggles.  Such a welcome sound, since she hasn't been feeling well.

Today I noticed...

...the spring in my son's steps when I said, "Let's take Daddy a treat!" When the combine crested the hill, Little Boy bounced off his seat and scurried up the combine steps to ride with Daddy.  And finish his salt and vinegar chips.

Today I noticed...

...the song bursting from my son's lips when he chose to be a Happy Heart Helper.  I noticed his fearlessness as he wrestled the calves to get them to come up to the milk.  I noticed his confidence, and that he took initiative to check all the feed bunks after we finished feeding the 55 calves their milk.  I noticed the calm and focus that settled in after we worked through the storms of the morning.

Today I noticed...

...that my husband took the moments to tuck all the boys into bed.  It is a busy season, and they soak up any Daddy Snuggles that are offered.  

Today I noticed...

...that the name of this font is "Shadows into Light."

Today I noticed...

...that as I noticed these things today, my perspective grew brighter.

A Croupy Week

 In which Mrs. Miller flies the Croupy Coop to combine corn

In which Mr. Miller gives combine lessons

In which our week utterly, totally, completely did not go as planned

In which the teacher becomes the student

In which Miller Academy takes Autumn Break

In which the writer doesn't have the decision making capacity left to decide what title to give this exposition

---

It has been a croupy week. 

There have been plenty of sore throats, wheezings, snorings, coughings, and gaggings among the Miller Brothers. 

The Miller Mother would be pleased if the wind would just scoop all the breathing bugs up, and blow them to the middle of the tundra.

The boys were given the diagnosis of "croup" which made me want to run to Green Gables to fetch Anne and her ipecac. However, that's not the current recommendations, so we skipped the ipecac. Sure coulda used Anne, though!

One of the things we love in our choice to homeschool is that when we have weeks like this, it's okay to have some "family sick days" and even "Harvest Break."

We have learned a lot this week, but not much from their student folders labeled "To Do This Week."   Oh, they have done a few pages of math and practiced their reading, and we "traveled" to Vietnam and visited the Dragon Bridge and explored the world's largest cave.

Real life skills development has included helping feed our FIFTY bucket/bottle calves their milk twice a day, trips to the doctor, and combine rides with MOM.

Yes, Mrs. Miller hung up her Teacher hat, her Cook hat, her Housekeeper hat, and all her other hats, all in a neat little row, and donned a brand new Combine Driver hat that had "student driver" emblazoned across it. 

She felt like she was flying the coop (the Croup Coop). Doing Something Different felt amazing.

Mr. Miller, who generally rejects any suggestion of himself being a teacher, proved himself to be a very patient and competent instructor. In fact, Mr. Miller taught so clearly that when he exited the combine, the 3 year-old was able to pick up right where he left off. "A little to the left. Start the head. Make it go faster. Make it go faster again. Put it down."

The combine turned out to be one of the baby's Happy Places. With just the right combo of movement and noise, she nodded right off into Dreamland.

Dreamland is where Mother Miller is dreaming of heading soon. It's hard to relax into it, though, when the ears are tuned for the next gagging cough.

The day of the Self-Checkout Monster

 

Ok. I do not enjoy shopping.

I enjoy shopping even less when I have children in tow.

So I avoid shopping.

Mercifully, there are things in my life like Amazon delivery and Walmart pickup.

I also have a Mother-in-law who very graciously does about 90% of our grocery shopping for us. It's wonderful. Everyone needs an amazing Mother-in-law.

But there are days- like today- when I bravely venture into the grocery store for myself. There are days- like today- when I do it with kids. 

The baby carrier mostly filled up my cart. Thankfully, my 5 year old helper was more than willing to push another cart, which we loaded with milk, golden (as indicated by the pricetag) eggs, and fresh produce. We also hoarded all the cheese and a bunch of the yogurt from the discount corner.

So far, so good.

Then we went to check out.

Gulp.

No one had warned me that the Helpful Smile in Every Aisle had been replaced by Beasts, of the species named Self-Checkout.

I will pause my story to say that the Self-Checkout concept is genius. I used to choose to use them. That was pre-kid. I can say with 99.9% certainty that the person who made the decision to go exclusively to self-checkouts does not have 4 kids ages 7 & under, and in the 0.01% chance that they do, they do not take them grocery shopping with them. Even though I only had 2 kids (who were actually quite cooperative) with me this time, by the time it was time to check out, they needed my attention.

I looked around with panic in my eyes, for that one checkout with the long line, that was run by a Real, Live Human. Not finding it, I stepped bravely up to the kiosk.

About 4 items in, I scanned the wrong code on a discount item, so an employee stepped in & corrected it. 

Then came the fresh produce. You can't just scan the sticker, you have to push this button, then key in the 4 digit number, then weigh it. 

Oh, why did I get bananas AND oranges AND apples???

About halfway through, Baby started crying. I paused the slow scanning process to stick her pacifier in and pat her head. At least no one was behind us. 

I contemplated leaving the rest of my groceries in the cart & walking out. 

Then, just as my own tears were about to spill out, an employee came up & asked, "Would you like some help?"

"I would LOVE some help."

Somehow, between the two of us, we managed to get the baby quieted and all the groceries scanned and bagged and paid for without The Mother having a complete meltdown.

The elderly lady one kiosk over was also struggling. She told her assistant, "I really just like to look at a smiling face, not a computer."

Somehow, we got all the groceries and the baby back into two carts, and the 5 year old and I maneuvered everything to the car & got it unloaded from the cart and loaded into the car.

The whole ordeal took way more emotional energy than I had allotted, and it took half the afternoon for my stomach to untie itself.

Meanwhile, I've had some interesting food for thought.

1. My thoughts have progressed from "I'm never trying that again" to "Well, next time I'll KNOW that's what's coming, and I'll not put so many things in my cart" to "This is the world my kids are growing up in" to "I'll just take the 7 year-old- he would think it's FUN."

2. Realizing that my 7-year-old will all too soon be smarter than I am, when it comes to electronics takes me way back to the days when I did my schoolwork in my bedroom and my mom was learning to do email in her office next door. "JOY! Can you come?" I'd roll my eyes but come, feeling very important, and walk her step by step through the process. I finally wrote out step by step instructions, and she could send an email without me.

Now the chant that is running relentlessly through my head, to the tune of na-na-na-na-boo-boo, is "You're becoming your mother! You're becoming your mother!"

3. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo does have a correct pronunciation, and I HAVE been pronouncing it correctly (on the rare occasion it seems appropriate). I looked it up. It also means what I thought. I looked that up, too. 

4. Becoming my mother isn't a bad thing. She's (now) one of my favorite people, and I'd be honored to be like her. 

5. "Hate is a really strong word, and you may not use it until you're old enough to understand fully what it means" is what we teach our kids. This means I'm not allowed to use the H-word either. But I really passionately disliked my Self-Checkout experience today.

6. I really passionately like friendly smiles in every aisle. 

7. The End.

8. Now that I've aired out my head, maybe I can get some sleep :) 

What a Pleasure!!

We hear various responses from people who learn we have 4 kids under age 8.

Most of the responses are the rough equivalent of "Wow, you have your hands full!" It's merely a statement of the obvious, but I try to respond with something like "Full hands= Full heart!

In a random conversation with a customer at Farmers Market this week, I heard my favorite response ever.

"What a pleasure!" She said.

YES!

It absolutely is a pleasure!

Happy Birthday to the Dad I miss

It's Dad's birthday. He would be turning 79 today. I wish I could sit and eat with him, chocolate cake smeared with peanut butter, topped with chocolate ice cream.

Two things I had asked God for was for Dad to be at my wedding and to meet my children. My husband and I said Hello to Dexter 6 weeks before we said Good-bye to Dad.

We didn't lose all of my dad on that December day in 2014, when his body finally gave up the fight. We lost pieces of him, bit by bit, over about 7 years. He didn't want to stay forever in the body & mind that was left. While actually saying Good-bye is unfathomably hard, there was something okay about him finally being freed from the body that trapped him. Yes, his death was hard, but the grief of loss started long before his death.

I'm not sure who made up the thing about "time heals." For me, the more that time passes since his death, the more I remember the Dad of his younger days.  And I grieve the current loss of his presence in our lives.

He was the man who couldn't speak above a whisper but could yell at the pigs. 

That's one of the few scenarios I remember when he was able to force enough air through his vocal cords to produce sound. I also remember a few times the preachers may have been on the receiving end of the vocal emissions, when Dad was defending what he believed with his whole heart to be true, most likely in defense of some young man who was struggling or in resistance to being asked to paint over a very modest two-shades of gray van used for our business. He gave in, and had it painted an acceptably solid red, because if he was going to paint it, it was going to be his favorite color. And that was that.  

I think about Dad sometimes when I'm dry heaving over the toilet. I first remember that sound from when Dad would come home from school board meetings. I guess they were that bad, although I never really knew why.

I just know my dad really cared deeply about a lot of principles, and sometimes those beliefs put him in direct conflict with The Powers That Be.

My dad had a crooked, crippled body, but was known for planting "the straightest rows in Oklahoma." He was also a straight thinker, most of the time.

He preferred landscape where you could see for miles "without a tree in sight to mar the view."

He had some fairly strong food preferences, but he always ate graciously. Our family just knew not to look at each other when he thanked the cook (which he always did) because sometimes he would say, "It was very tasty." He wasn't saying he LIKED the taste! 😆

At market, he was known as "the pie man." Some people would come to buy his pies. Others would come to be encouraged by his big smile (in spite of his pain), or to pour out their hearts to his listening ears.

One of Dad's things was to get half dollars from the bank to use as market change. That's a little way I am able to honor his memory; we also give out half dollars as market change.

He gave candy to kids to help them stop staring and accept him as a person. He started asking them to sing for their candy. For awhile, after obtaining a huge supply of marbles from I'm not sure where, he handed out marbles instead of candy. After being out of church for awhile after one of his surgeries, to welcome him back they had everyone in church who ever sang for candy get up and sing Jesus Loves Me (by far the most popular choice of his little singers), then file past and get candy. I think more than half the church got up to sing.

When one of the church leader's son died as a young man from drowning, Dad sobbed and sobbed, wishing it could have been him instead.

Dad was my biggest cheerleader. He was bursting at the buttons proud that I got my pilot's license, even though I never ended up using it for much. It was like I was able to fulfill one of his dreams that he couldn't do himself. He told every random person who would listen; I think he enjoyed the shock factor people displayed, as they tried to picture an "Amish Mennonite" girl flying a plane IN A DRESS! 

I wish my boys could know the dad I love.

He would love Dexter's mind, and delight in the way he thinks. They could play chess. He could teach him all of his math tricks that I could never understand, but I'm pretty sure Dexter would. Dexter could show him all the plans he draws up, and my Dad would show him how to improve them. They could do Snap Circuits together. He would cheer from the sidelines as Dexter breaks through with his musical milestones. They could discuss Laura Ingalls Wilder 'til Kingdom come.

He would love Tyrell's creativity, and his patience with details in his art. They could sit quietly together and just enjoy the serenity.  They could watch birds together. They could process the things they feel that are too big for words, like the loss of a pet, or having to share parents with needy siblings. Dad's heart would swell when he hears Tyrell describe in his own little way how much he loves God. And he would laugh when he fires up his jet engines to go rocketing down the hall.

Kendrick would make him laugh, as he tries to keep up with his brothers, tries to keep up with the latest technology, says words too big for his age, and sports his new sunglasses. Together, they could insist on DOING THINGS THEMSELVES. They could celebrate the victories with enthusiastic fist bumps.

I hope my life brings honor to my Dad. He sure fought for his kids, and wanted what was best for us. I try to help our boys "remember" him, even though they never knew him.

I miss you, Dad! Thanks for all you taught me, in words, but especially through the life you lived.

Oh, what shall we name the baby?

One of the hardest parts about having a baby is naming it.

Okay, maybe, maybe not.

But it has proven to be quite a complicated process for us.

Most people probably don't view my husband as a Man of Strong Opinions.  He's not one to talk about his opinions; he just lives them.  His opinions are not usually loud or flowery, but they run 3 miles deep, like the roots of a well-established tree. 

My opinions, on the other hand, are more like the leaves.  They're not afraid of being seen or heard, and they blow with the breeze.  When the seasons change, they die and flutter to the ground, forgotten.  When the seasons change, new ones are established, they hold fast while they last, and then they also flutter away, with only a few stubborn ones remaining.

How does this relate to naming our children?  Well, a lot, actually.  

He has his rules; I have mine (although some of my ideas have blown away with the wind, there are a few that have stubbornly hung on).  Here is a list of that combination:

Rule #1) The name must give the child a unique identity.

Challenge- Last name: Miller

Every town had a mill.  Every mill had a Miller.  The area we live must have had a dozen mills! That's my theory.

Rule #2)  You must be able to say the name by looking at it.

Rule #3)  You must be able to make a good guess at the spelling, by hearing it.

Rule #4)  The name must not be shared by any hard-to-relate-to former coworkers, sketchy relatives, or other persons who make us squirm at their very remembrance.

Rule #5)  First name must not start with a B.  (It's an initials thing; I'll leave it at that, initially.)

How this looks in reality is that I read lists of names and watch his face.  If his eyebrows raise or his nose wrinkles (I can usually "hear" their reaction without even looking up), I know it's a no-go.  He reads lists of names.  Of course, he starts with the B names, because there are so many lovely ones.  I just glare; he laughs, tells me I shouldn't be so picky, and moves on.  Soon, he falls asleep, and the discussion waits another 2 months. Give or take.

Somehow, we have managed to name three boys that we still like (the boys AND their names).

We have chosen not to get too wrapped up in name meanings, because, while we DO believe it's important to not name your child intentionally after something/someone evil, we also believe that name meanings are fairly flexible.  We have maybe had moments of regret for naming one child a name that means "stubborn"-- although the name itself probably has little bearing on his personality, and we prefer to interpret it as "determined."  

We were informed by the dental assistants in the family that one of our boys bears the name of the Dental Dummy.  Oops.  Good things we didn't know before he was born, or it might not have passed.  But we still like his name.

Our middle names have been pretty straight forward, so far:  Daddy, Grandpa #1, Grandpa #2.

Now we have plumb run out of Grandpas and Daddys, so we're stuck on a middle name, too.

With the first one, we had a boy's name envelope and a girl's name envelope.  I forget how we did it with the second one (probably the same).  After the third one was born, and they asked for his name, we looked at each other and said, "Is that what we're going with?"  It was, and we did.

Since Baby is anticipated in about 2 months (and we just had our bimonthly discussion), I'm getting a little nervous.  Craig is sure the child will have a name.

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I'm eager to hear how other couples name their children....

1) Is it primarily up to one of you to name them, or do both of you have opinions?

2) What rules do you have for naming your children?

3) And--of course--if you have suggestions for us, we're willing to listen!  If we USE your suggestion, you might win, I don't know, a pack of beef sticks or something, when you come to visit the baby and bring a casserole. 

(I had to strikethrough that, because it felt a little Bart Rathbone-ish, but I left it because I thought it was funny-ish, in the cultural context of Mennonitism).