Disclaimer:
I read recently that no one under 40 should write "How-to's" or self-help stuff, because really, what do they know? In different words: time and experience are the true test of one's ideas.
I'm 40 now, so I can...but someone else said 50.
And someone else said parenting guidance is not worth reading until the writer has teenagers they have successfully launched.
In other words, make sure your guide has already navigated the journey, and not fallen into a pit, before you follow.
I also very aware of our flaws & weaknesses in parenting. We have a Super-charged group of little boys, and we're all learning lots on this journey together, as we walk it very imperfectly.
Having said All Those Things, I will readily say that I DO really enjoy reading and listening to others who are in the trenches of parenting. They have not yet forgotten the role exhaustion plays in our daily routines, or the feel of vomit destroying not only the just-changed clean outfit but altering the whole day's plans.
I listen to and learn from moms younger than me. I even enjoy hearing perspectives from my unmarried friends, and from friends who have no children- honestly, sometimes their vision is crisper, and their lenses less fogged over, and they are able to just see it as it is.
Do I take what they say with a grain of salt? Of course. I take what I think with a grain of salt, too.
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Having heretofore cleared the air of the things I felt I needed to say before I could say the things I wanted to say, I will now step up on my soapbox and present, to myself and anyone else who cares to listen, the advice I want to remember tomorrow and 10 years from now.
#1 Place high value on snuggles and low value on expectations. Great expectations are great, but it's okay to adjust them. Especially on days when everyone isn't feeling quite right.
#2 Connections are much easier to maintain than to mend.
#3 Don't accept as Gospel Truth For All every piece of advice or thing you discover that works for one child, and expect it to work for every child the whole world through.
#4 Don't reject as garbage every piece of advice or thing you discover that does NOT work for one child, and declare it as useless for all.
#5 If what works for most children simply isn't working for one, research and reach out for resources outside the box. Professionals who work with neurodivergent kids may be able to help find different ways for the child to meet the same goals, or adjust the goals appropriately.
#6 It's okay to get help. Whether for housework, school, business, or mental health, it's okay to get help.
#7 Choose your choices carefully. Instead of "What shirt do you want to wear?" (Or worse: "Do you want to get dressed?) it's "Hey, you want stripes or dinos today?"
Of course, they get smart to this, too. Recently, the 3 year old asked me, "Mom, can I have a movie or tablet time?"
Me: "Bring a book- I'll read to you."
He: "But MOM! THAT wasn't one of the choices!"
#8 Nurture your spouse. This is more of a goal than a how-to, because in this season of 4 kids ages 8 & under, some days we're more co-workers and less lovebirds. Even so, I want to do better at going above & beyond in helping him be His Very Best, and to be My Very Best, in his love.
#9 Reduce your own daily decisions. Assign age-appropriate chores to kids for a year. Put your things in the same place every time...but until you learn to do that, then at least give thanks for a husband who usually can help you find your glasses!
#10 When it feels like you're in a fight with your kid, remember- you're on the SAME TEAM! You are fighting FOR him, WITH him- not against him. Change your perspective to view the object of disagreement as a hurdle, not a battlefield. Then tackle it- together.
Bonus:
DO NOT GROW WEARY IN WELL DOING.
Do Not Grow Weary in Well Doing
Do not grow weary in well doing.
do not g r o w w e a r y....
